Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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