John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
