I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
