fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
