i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
