I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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