I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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