Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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