Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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