Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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