i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize