Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
