I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
