so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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