remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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