She's JV to your varsity
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
