Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
