Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sober January is a disaster.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
