I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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