There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wish my penis had a tongue
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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