Sober January is a disaster.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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