Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm passing your future prison.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
