im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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