awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
