Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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