On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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