Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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