In the future we'll all be gay
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
