Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
