problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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