pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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