Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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