if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
