You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
