Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
