Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
