and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
