the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
