thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
