i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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