First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
