i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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