Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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