I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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