I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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