then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize