I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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