It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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