just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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