Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
