Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
