she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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