How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
