So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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