everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
