I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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