Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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