i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
