so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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