My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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