He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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