she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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